The Nature of Change
There will be many losses along our path.
And people are not taught how to let them go.
But these losses are a part of our change - our growth.
When the leaves fall off of a tree in autumn does the
tree wait for them to come back? No, a healthy tree
grows new leaves. They're not going to be the same
leaves, but they will be their leaves nonetheless. And
this is the Universal cycle of change which we are all
a part of.
But human nature is to resist change.
So instead we try and hold onto what we feel we're
losing. And we get stuck.
But it's time to let go. Time to be all you can be.
Time to take the lessons from the past and apply
them to where you're going. Take the lessons with
you to the future but leave the situations and old
behaviors and patterns behind.
This can be really hard since we're so used to
functioning under the banner of those old behaviors.
But if you really think about it, you'll see that they're
conditioned responses. And as such can be
unconditioned. It takes time and practice, but it is
very much within the realm of possible.
It's normal to respond in a way we're used to. The
first step is to look objectively at your actions and
what they bring you. If you don't like what you're
getting from them, acknowledge it's time for a
change. And bit by bit start piecing together that
change - the pieces of your life.
Many people keep replaying old events in their
heads. If only I'd done X, think of where I'd be now.
If only someone else had seen what was "right"
they wouldn't have left.
But going back to a situation over and over only
keeps you in that event - which is in the past. You
can replay it as many times as you want but it
won't change what happened. And it won't bring
about the changes in you that the Universe is
trying to hand you. Basically, it won't bring you
any happiness.
Waiting for someone to come and fix what
happened is a waste of time. And each minute
you spend doing that could have been spent
moving forward.
Other people have their own lives and aren't
responsible for yours. Healthy relationships come
when we don't need the other person to fix us. We
can support each other as we heal, but we cannot
bring the other person to the place where healing
begins. That can only happen when the individual
lets go of what's been holding them back.
Talking about what's happened over and over won't
change things. Looking for validation from another
in regard to what happened will keep you feeling
invalidated since nobody else can make things
right for you.
And should they?
Think about it this way. Each experience or pattern
we let go of is a loss. And with loss there is just
going to be pain. Allowing those emotions means
allowing all the other ones too though. And there is
a lot of joy out there to experience.
But if you're holding that piece of history in your
hands, walking around begging someone to take
it from you, you're not going to find what you're
looking for. Because nobody else had YOUR
experience. The parcel you're lugging around is
invisible to them. So how can they take it from you?
Explain things all you want, but that won't help. All
you'll get is frustrated and crippled by resentment
because nobody else is helping.
Wouldn't it be nicer to set it down on the path and
keep walking? The feeling of loss will pass. The
anticipation of that pain is always worse than the
reality. Bid the bit of history a gentle farewell with
kindness and respect for where you want to go.
And when your load is gone - portion by portion -
the only direction you can go is up - and onward.
How liberating! And it's a feeling only you can
give yourself.
Lighten up. Stop carrying all the ick around.
Trying to change the past is a big waste of time -
big, big big!!
It's really okay to forgive people and situations. It's
okay to have compassion and understanding for
others. By saying they deserve it, you're really
saying you do. You're saying you don't deserve to
be stuck back somewhere else.
Forget about who's right and who's wrong. Stop
trying to even the score. What you're really saying
by trying to prove your point is that you don't believe
in you. Because if you did, it wouldn't matter what
someone else believed in would it?
By focusing all our attention on changing someone
else's perspective - someone else's ideas - we're
also avoiding working on ourselves. We're saying
that the other person doesn't own their own
emotions. And that translates to our feelings about
ourselves.
It all comes back to how you feel about yourself,
which is your responsibility. And you do own your
own emotions - and you own your path.
Saying good bye to the past can be so very hard.
And we can get so caught up in staying put that
we don't even realize what we're doing. That static
place becomes our existence. But we're not meant
to stay in one place. We're meant to live.
Release the baggage, release others - Life is
change and the nature of change is letting go!
© 2000 Laura Modlin. All Rights Reserved.
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