Who You Really Are
Years ago, a friend of mine took off for SE Asia, giving up a consulting job with a regular paycheck. After a year in Ho Chi Minh City he decided to give Phnom Penh a try. While there he began notes on what would ultimately become his first book, an account of expat life in Cambodia, still in print eight years later.
But his road would not end there. The coup of 1997 forced him to leave Phnom Penh. He went to Thailand at first, then to Israel, where he began writing his book while pondering a return to Cambodia. Eventually, his road brought him back to Thailand where he stayed for a while.
Through all this, and the nearly fifteen years we have known each other, he has followed an unquestionably untraditional lifestyle. He has lived and worked in a sweeping variety of jobs and locales.
Only now, in 2006, can he say that he has been settled in one place for any length of time. That place is Singapore and he now works as a drummer, teacher and show coordinator. And the best part is, he is happy. He is being true to himself.
When I hear people say they want to reinvent themselves I find they often mean that they want to find out who they really are. They desire to find what will make them truly happy. Our society is not designed to promote happiness. People are too often pigeon-holed, signed, sealed and delivered at a very early age to the destination they are "supposed" to remain. We start being told to stop playing and deny ourselves.
My question is, if what you want to do does not hurt anyone, is there really anything wrong with it?
Of course not.
We certainly do need to set priorities. If you have responsibilities it would not be in your best interest to abandon those. It is the forsaking of your best abilities and greatest chance at happiness that I am discussing. Too many people try to live up to an image or fit in or fade into the background. And that is never necessary.
The truly innovative individuals among us are like feet that do not conform to the standards of shoe design... you can squeeze them in but they won't necessarily be comfortable and they will end up deformed.
Why is culture trying to do the modern-day equivalent of foot binding? Is it so wrong to want to be yourself?
The friend of mine in SE Asia has found a life that he can LIVE. For so many years I heard people question his sanity. Why would he go halfway around the world? Isn't he odd!
Well, ya know what, yes, he is kind of odd. But is that really necessarily an insult? Aren't we all at least a little odd? Is it better to expend all your energy trying to fit in, to walk around half-awake, waiting for retirement and the time when you can sit around and regret the road not taken?
We were created in a large variety of shapes and sizes and personalities. There is no "norm."
What you are searching for is not within a bottle or in another person. The true elixir for happiness is not the type of car you drive or the clothes you wear. Real and true joy comes from a strong sense of self. When you give away your self you are forced to search outside for happiness instead of within. And you often embark on a long, arduous journey.
When you know the person you are you will be doing something that will create true and lasting positive value in the world. For when we accept ourselves and value who we really are we do not feel a need to be measured by – or judge - those around us.
And when this happens we go on our merry way and let others find their true happiness, too. We are too busy enjoying the journey to worry about the things which ultimately tear us apart as a people.
So, if you are looking for the answers, if you are seeking a better path, know that you need nothing other than to listen to yourself, to follow your heart, to find what you desire.
That voice inside might lead you to places you never saw coming but they are often the best. They are where your happiness awaits.
© 2006 Laura Modlin. All Rights Reserved.
